Monday, February 14, 2011

The End of Another V-Day

I am a perennial hater of Valentine's Day. When I was young, in school, no one ever sent me those carnations that would get passed out by the popular girls. I never really had a boyfriend in high school. I just didn't seem to be the right "type" of girl, and I couldn't figure out why! I always assumed it was because I wasn't skinny, and of course, I hated myself and my body because of that. Even when I was a junior in high school, and I weighed 145 pounds and was almost 5'10" tall, I still could only see the "fat girl" inside me.

College came...few dates to even speak of. Since I went to design school, most of the guys there were gay, and so that was that. I did meet a sweet man toward the end of school, and eventually got engaged. I broke it off, though. He was FAR too tied to his mother's apron strings. Talk about unappealing!

While I was married, Valentine's Day was always the day before my husband got paid. That meant that anything for the holiday that was going to happen would happen for 50% off. I didn't mind. I suppose one of the mistakes we made was not celebrating these kinds of days, and living and breathing only for the children.

Tonight I am here, alone, sipping a glass of wine, and looking back over all these past V-days. I'm not sad because I am "single". I am "taken" but not in the way I'd like to be. My heart's been given away, and now I sit and wait to see what will happen to it. It's not a position I would have wished for, but I know that time can determine things for us when we can't make up our minds. Maybe this will happen to him.

Valentine's Day doesn't fail to inspire me, though. Red IS my favorite color, and it's everywhere right now, of course. Red colors passion, anger, and hot-headedness, but it also fuels ambition and success. I'll go on that!

Back to my wine now...or is it...WHINE??

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful post! I can relate to a lot of it. Growing up, Valentine's Day was the same for me too.