Counting Down the Days...

I simply cannot believe the summer is almost at the end. It seems like it never really came, come to think about it. The weather only got hot a handful of days, and a majority of those days, I was in the hospital, so I missed it all. Sheesh.

The kids will all be back in school next week. I can hardly get over it. I am a bit nervous as to how transportation will go; three kids in three different schools. I can get Rehanna and Conner to school, but Alex will have to be dragged along, only to come home and have a 45-minute-wait until his bus picks him up. I really hate dragging him out of bed for all that, but, as a single mom, this is what has to be done. Last year I had the wonderful blessing of respite care coming for an hour in the morning to stay with Alex, but she ended up getting herself fired after I found nude pictures of her on one of our computers. (sigh). I didn't mind her using the computer, but this was the kids' computer, and apparently those chats she was having online must've been pretty heated! I tried not to imagine what Conner would have said had he accidentally opened that folder of photos, which sat proudly on the desktop, bearing her name!!! What am I, a magnet for these people? I swear...

So anyway, I lost my "morning helper". Pfft. Yeeeaaah.

So, what have I been up to? Well, besides getting ready for the back to school rush, I have been working more hours at work, and there will be more to come. I have piles and piles of $150 jeans to hem. And after this weekend, there will be even more.

I've also be itching to knit something...anything! Every since my last shawl had to get dropped because I (gulp) ran out of yarn, I've not wanted to start anything else. All I have to do is just order another ball of the stupid yarn. Not hard. But I can't being myself to just order one ball of yarn from KnitPicks. It's just not done. KnitPicks orders always must be at least $50. It's an unwritten law. Now of course, there's like $300 I could spend there. But it just isn't the right time for that.

However, I came across this pattern today on Rav:

Now, I have like over 1000 yards of new handspun that I recently finished up. It is screaming to be this shawl. I swore I didn't want to make another shawl. I really wanted to do a sweater, even the one I've been designing. But nooooo. This pattern had to come along and change all that. Maybe if I at least get that last ball of yarn ordered for my other shawl, I will feel better about starting this one. Good logic? Maybe!

That's all for now...I know, terribly exciting, no?

Never Give Away Your Fat Pants...

I don't care how big they are. You will need them again, trust me.

I have two main pairs of fat pants. The biggest are black (of course) and made out of stretch terry knit (of course!). The second are some too-big blue jeans. Last Thursday I was very grateful for both pairs.

I hadn't been feeling good, and thought for sure that if I could just go to the bathroom, all would be well. You know how that story goes. Well, the bathroom was not my friend. I went to Wal-mart, school shopping for the kids with my mother, and thought to hit the pharmacy area to find some sort of medicine. I knew I had laxatives at home. So, I bought some anti-diarrheal. Figured I'd approach the problem from both sides, right? By now, the entire front of my torso was either stabbing in pain, or was so sore from being in pain that I could neither stand up straight or walk very fast. Walking, in fact, was a feat.

So I vowed that if it wasn't better by thursday morning, I would go to emergency. Well, it wasn't any better after a long sleepless night, and I went in. How I drove there, I have no idea. All I can recall about getting there was that someone saw me outside my car and brought me a wheelchair. I was standing there, clutching the car door, wondering how the hell I was gonna get from "A" to "B". But hey, if I keeled over in the parking lot of the emergency room I couldn't possibly be in a better place, right?

Long story short, I really had this thing all figured out before I went to the hospital. This was a kidney stone. HAD to be. I had all the right symptoms. I felt very positive that the doc would give me some pain meds, nicely tell me that I had to wait it out, pass the stone, and life would go on. Follow up with your doctor, miss. So I thought.

But my fave emergency room doc, Dr. Zuckerman (yes, just like the famous pig), sat down and informed me that "Ms. Benac, well...your a mess..." That was not a cool thing to hear. Turns out that something was possibly wrong with my gall bladder, I had an acute case of diverticulitis, and on top of everything, an ovarian cyst the size of a golf ball. When he told me they were going to keep me for "a couple days" I simply looked at him and said "WHAT???"

You see, this was NOT part of the whole kidney stone diagnosis I had done on myself. Damn.

So, in I went, and I was not happy. The Michigan Fiber Fest was in two days. I'd never be able to go. All of my saving and planning, down the tubes. What a total bummer.

It was a confusing time, to say the least. I waited to hear from doctors what on earth was happening with my body. Friday evening, I got up yet again to go pee, fed up with the damned IV and all the fluid it pumped through me. Of course, I had no complaints about the pain meds and antibiotics it also delivered! But sheesh, I was peeing like every half an hour. It was getting old. I had just gone, and the nurses arrived with a sheepish smile on their faces. "Do you think you could pee in a cup for us?" I wanted to snarl. But I was kind. It was only a matter of time before I could go again, anyway. The nurse said "well, it's just standard pre-op procedure, you know, they have to have a urine samp-...."

"Excuse me??" I said. "Back up a minute...did you say PRE-OP????" WHAT OPERATION?

The nurses got wide-eyed and looked at each other. "You mean, no one told you?" they asked. "Well, oh...we can't say anything else! The doctor hasn't been here?"

Noooo, no doc had come. No one except a charge nurse who had informed me that I couldn't eat anything because I might be having more "tests" that evening. Right as my dinner was being placed in front of me, it was wisked away. Buggers. But somehow the "test" had become surgery. and I had no idea for what. Well, soon I found out that they wanted to remove the ovarian cyst, and I was fine with that. Just wish I would've known. That would have been nice. I was in the hospital for a total of five days. I couldn't read, had no internet other than on my phone, and could do nothing but just lay there. It was worse than prison.

So, I now have two neat little incisions. One in my belly button, and one about three inches below it, each about one inch long. They are healing up very well. they glued them shut. Just amazing.

My fat pants have a place of honor in my life. When my tummy swelled up and hurt after surgery, my fat pants were there, in all their non-binding love for me. I'm doing fine now, and all my buddies and customers online were sending all the well-wishes they could muster. I felt them, guys! I really did! Thank you soooooo much!! You all made the pain and bitterness of missing the Fiber Fest a little easier to handle. Now it's back to life as I know it...

On Spiders and Tourette's Ticks...

Yes, such is the scourge of living by the lake. Shoreline spiders are just part of life. I have decided, though, that I actually prefer the bigger spiders over the hundreds of teeny, tiny ones that I turn my head and see all the time. Drives me nuts. The bigger ones you SEE, they startle you, you reach for the swatter, and BAM, they are dead. The little ones you squint and see, much to your alarm, that there are webs all over the place where, twenty minutes ago, there were none. Little freakin' buggers. Not to mention the outside of my house, which looks like a blender full of spider-crud barfed everywhere.

On another note, I finally found a bag for this enormous new computer I have. I have not been able to find anything that would fit a 17" laptop PC. I wanted something cool. Something different. I ran across this company called Isis Dei. Now, not only was the name cool...named after my favorite Goddess...but their products are awesome. This is the one I got:

Doncha just love the Isis statues all over it??! And this was not expensive either...amazing! I really wanted to make one, out of some cool Amy Butler fabric or something like that, but I couldn't find the high-density foam that would provide the protection I wanted. So, I figured I would have to spend $60 to $80 for a nice bag. But...not so! this one was less than thirty bucks!

Conner's been tick, tick, ticking away lately, like a time bomb. I always worry when I see him go off on a flinching, wincing, jerking, outburst-ing spree. Makes me wonder if he is worried about something, thinking about something in particular that is making him stressed. I know that his hormones are RULING his body right now, and probably that has a lot to do with it. But I worry. Being autistic is hard enough...add to that a bunch of uncontrolled jerking and loud vocalizing, and you have a recipe for a kid who just doesn't fit in. It makes me sad, but it also makes him so special. I love him so darned much.
On another note...I am gearing up for the Michigan fiber Fest! I am SO excited! I've got my new bags ready for storing the fleeces I get, and I have two payments put down on my drum carder. Eight more to go! I don't think I will have a ton of money to spend there, but I don't usually. I have two more dyeing opportunities to raise money for my little trip to Allegan, MI. However, I am getting my new 33-qt canner today from UPS! This means I can steam 12 packets at a time, which means I can put more up in my shop when I update. Yay!

Well, I am off. I have to work today, blech. But staying up late is taking it's toll. I wanna go back to bed. Instead, I should get on the bike and spin for a while. Like that's gonna happen??!!

Gearing Up...

What have I been doing? Well, lots of work...and I am loving it! With the launching of my ArtFire shop, I've gotten some wonderful orders, and they've kept me really, really busy. I've been encouraging my ladies to look through my "sold items" on Etsy, too...just about anything there can be dyed again. Where would I be without my recipes, eh?!

Upon discovering Colourlovers.com a couple months ago, I am finally getting into it. For anyone who puts colors together, for any reason, this site is worth it's weight in gold! (If you are typing it in manually instead of following the link, please note the British spelling of the word "colour"). Dyeing up new colorways is always exciting for me. Will they come out like I saw them in my head? Will the colors all run together and make MUD?? Or something beautiful?? These are a bunch of new colorways, going to the Etsy shop tonight:

Sometime I HATE what the rovings look like when I take them out of the steaming pots. It puts me in a really foul mood. Just ask my daughter! But somehow, as they dry overnight, they take on a new life, and almost a new appearance to my eye.

One thing I know for sure...with all these orders, I desperately need another 33-qt canning pot with rack. I'm just gonna have to spring for one. I can't find one on freecycle or Craigslist. Seems like everyone is hanging onto their mom's big pot! I thought for sure I'd be able to find one, but maybe more and more people are discoving the appeal of canning and preserving. Not a bad thing in this day and age...

And now that I've finished spinning Jackie-the Alpacie, I've been throwing all sorts of wool onto the wheel! i just finished spinning up the first of three bundles of roving that I got from the Red Barn Farm from eBay. What LOVELY wool! And the price was amazing! It came out to be like $1.87 per ounce! Here's the original combed top, called "Emerald Purple":

And here is the spun yarn...380 yards from 4 oz. After soaking and finishing, it should come up to be a heavy fingering or DK weight:

And here's some other spinning, too. the beige one is a free fiber sample from Carol at Sheep Shed. The delicious green is from a pound of alpaca/wool roving that I got in Davisburg at the Alpaca Show in May, and the large skein is my very own colorway "Little Traverse Bay"...a gorgeous merino that spun up like a dreeeaam:

Little Traverse has some really interesting colors that seems to flow out of it as I spun...colors that I intend on dyeing up into beautiful colorway. Where the dark red and teal blended, a beautiful plum color came up, and mixed with the touches of toffee, it was just beautiful. I don't know if I can sell this one. Just don't know!

Coming in just a couple weeks is the Michigan Fiber Fest! This will be my first time going, and I can't wait to see so many of my Michigan buddies from Rav. Plus, this will be my first time buying fresh fleeces that I intend to take home and process completely myself. I bought two fleeces in Maine, but left them there with a processor, as I don't think that my fellow airplane passengers would have appreciated the smell of a sheep barnyard on the flight! The fleeces wouldn't have fit in the luggage compartment anyway...although I think I could have stuffed them up there. That's a sure-fire way to get a compartment all to yourself, huh??!! "Oh, sorry about yout suitcase, sir...no biggie, that's just a little bit of sheep poop. What's you're problem??"

And by September, I should have my drum carder!! I have put one in layway, and I'm so excited! I can't wait to be able to blend fibers and colors into beautiful, subtle creations. Here's the one I am getting:

It's not just about having another product to sell. It's about seeing how my colors mix and interact, and adjusting accordingly. It's about being one step closer to the process of spinning, and/or felting. Applying color to fiber is simple enough. But those colors blend visually as you spin, and unexpected things can happen. This drum carder is going to be SUCH an asset to me!

Okay, I'm off! The daughter wants to go to the state park (Sterling) for me to take nice photos of her for her MySpace. There might even be a nice pic or two of the both of us!

The Past Catches Up

I decided to take a phone call from a number I didn't recognize the other day. Turns out D-day has come...my student loan caught up with me in the worst way. Granted, it actually already had caught up with me a year ago, when my tax refund was swiped in the offset. I was upset, but I knew I owed the debt, AND I was prepared for another offset this year, which of course, happened. Over $2000 swiped away from the kids and I this year alone. It was sad, but I knew and understood why.

Now, however, they want over $200 per month from me, and the news was not just a little devastating. I just got my car paid off. I finally had a little "cushion"...and it was a cushion that always ended up being NEEDED by us for one thing or another. Now, it's gone. For ten months I have to make this huge payment.

Now, I am not trying to shirk the debt I owe. Let me make that PERFECTLY clear. The Dept of Education has already taken enough money from my tax refunds to equal almost two years of payments. They took this year's refund, and now they also want $200 a month, which is going to CRIPPLE me. My biggest gripe? I want my goddamned tax refund back.

This whole deal will get me out of default with the government. Supposedly, I will not have any more tax refunds taken from me. These ARE good things. But I was still reduced to tears anyway. You see, I SHOULD be out there, working 40 hours a week using the skills I learned with my college education. But I can't. Instead, I was given special children who need me to be there for them on a moment's notice. When the school calls me and tells me that Alex is freaking out and kicking teacher's shins, I have to go get him right now. NOT when my work shift ends. NOT if my "boss lets me leave". You see, my "career" pretty much ended with my boys. I'm not blaming them or resentful at ALL, mind you. This is just the way it is. BUT...I didn't ask for this. I went to an expensive school, to prepare for a promising career. It's one that only had a feeble chance at success.

And so now, I sit here with a tremendous student loan, that I know I owe. Most people my age would have long had theirs paid off by now. I will not have mine paid off for a long, long while.

So, I cried. I cried at the "unfairness of life". I cried for my children, who I worry about day in and day out, wondering what their life will be like in the future. I worry about MY OWN future...how will I survive with no retirement? No, I didn't ask for autistic children. But I have them, I love them just the way they are, and I try hard not to look too far beyond today.

My thoughts on this whole situation run deep. This was a debt I always wanted to be able to cover, no matter what was happening in my life at any given time. For a long while, I did cover it, and I was proud of myself. Things change, though. Life changes. Children come, and your dreams take a turn in a different direction. For the longest time, my "dream" was to hear my sons simply say my name. I didn't care about being a big fashion designer anymore. I just wanted to hear "Mamma". Did I get my priorities messed up? I don't think so.

Now they lay upstairs snug in their beds, and I have a huge student loan ahead of me to pay off. There's a lot "wrong" with this picture. But there's a lot "right", too. It's life. It isn't pretty, and it's certainly not fair, but where there is love, all will be "okay".

Some Beefs on my Way Out the Door...

Okay, so everyone has to just GRIPE sometimes, right? And yes, I know...if these are my biggest problems of my week, I'll be doing GREAT. I know. I know....

1. On the way to the post office my A/C fan dies. AGAIN. Just had it fixed last week. How hot is it today? 90 degrees. Yuppers. And now I have to dash off to the eye doctor. There's gonna be some sweaty eyes for her to look at...

2. Shipping charges. Now I have a REALY BIG beef here. I ordered yarn from a company. They pull the cones off the shelf, throw them in a box, and slap a label on. 4 Lbs. OVER TEN DOLLARS for UPS shipping. Second scenario: I order 13 Lbs of wool that has to be pulled out, WEIGHED, packaged in plastic, and put in a box to ship. And this is for EACH TYPE of wool ordered. Package is about 14 pounds total...cost? About $14. Now you tell me...WHY does the 4 pounds thrown into a box cost over TEN BUCKS? And the distance for shipping, by the way, is about the SAME. Next scenario: A piece of software from Jo-Ann.com. Literally, a CD case. $9.95 for shipping. Are you kidding?? Shipping is always a bone of contention. I know, as a seller, that I have to cover way more than just the cost of shipping itself. There are the boxes and bags to cover, and other stuff. But come on, get REAL.

3. You know my spinning stool that I endured immense stupidity to get? I hate it. HATE IT. I'm going to Ikea to get one. What am I gonna do with this? I dunno. Put it in the closet for extra dinner seating. For all the dinners I don't cook. Yeah.

4. That's all!

ArtFire is Divine!

Well, I finally got my ArtFire shop up and running! A few months ago, I jumped on the charter member offer that they had, not really knowing how I would proceed with it. I already was building a presence on Etsy, but knew that ArtFire looked REALLY cool. So, I decided. ArtFire is where I am offering custom-dyed fiber, where you can order up to two pounds of any colorway you would like. This is great for anyone who knows about how much fiber they will need for a project...someone who might not want to just play around with four ounces of fiber, but wants to spin for a sweater or other project. Of course, four-ounce sizes are offered, so if you wanna play around with these wonderful colorways, well, go right ahead! I posted some of my favorites, and those that my customers have favored. I am looking forward to see how it does!

With this idea in place, I can concentrate on developing new colorways, and offering them on Etsy. When they do well, and I know they are dependable recipes that will repeat well, I will offer them on ArtFire, for anyone to purchase whatever quantity they need, larger or small!

Check out the shop...plus I am going to see about adding it to Blogger here, where you can purchase right from Blogger! (How cool is that??)

Visit LakeHouseLoft's ArtFire Shop